


Silent Wish

by conformityissuicide



Series: McGarrett-Williams Family Saga [18]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Family, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-23
Updated: 2012-07-23
Packaged: 2017-11-10 14:15:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/467222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conformityissuicide/pseuds/conformityissuicide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve gets an unexpected call from the Navy requesting his presence on base. Danny and the rest of his family does not react kindly to the news, leaving Steve to figure out why this training session is so different from all the rest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silent Wish

**Author's Note:**

> First off, I want to apologize in advance for the intense amounts of angst in this companion piece. It was requested by Bubbles (BFive0) and I just felt inspired and ran with it. So if you are angry about the angst blame her! It's also supposed to be a little motivation to continue working on that special project she's been working on ;) 
> 
> Betaed by the lovely and wonderful jerseybelle

When Steve hung up his office phone, scrubbing a hand down his face, he jumped a little when Danny cleared his throat. “You’ve been living with me too long,” he said to Danny who was standing in the doorway, “I don’t even hear you walk up anymore.”

“I was trying to be quiet, but my ability to actually sneak up on you was mainly due to the fact that you were engrossed in your phone conversation. It sounded like the Navy and you looked serious. I just wanted to check and make sure everything was okay.”

Danny had sat himself down in the chair across from Steve, propping his feet up on the edge of the desk sitting between them. 

“I’ve been called in for training this weekend.”

“Hell no,” Danny said, sitting up, legs falling to the floor, his face darkening in anger. “This weekend is out of the question. You cannot, under any circumstances, not be here this weekend.”

“Danny, its mandatory training, you know that. I don’t have a say in if I go or not. I don’t report then I’m considered AWOL and can be court martialed. I wish it was different, Danno, I really do, but it’s not going to change.”

Steve watched his husband stand up, open and close his mouth as if about to say something, but no words were able to make it past his anger. Throwing his hands up in the air he started to walk out of the office.

“Danno, wait,” Steve called, hurrying out of his chair and towards the door, grabbing Danny’s arm just in time to stop him from walking out. “I am sorry.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”

“She will understand.”

Danny rounded on him, hands flailing around, face red, “No, no she will not understand. She’s been understanding her whole life. And the meet this weekend, this is something she’s been working towards for years. Do you not understand the magnitude of this weekend for her? She’s a freshman in high school about to compete in the state championships for the first time and is seeded first. She is favored to win three events against high school juniors and seniors and kids that have been competing at this level for a lot longer. She needs her father there.”

“Her father will be there,” Steve pointed out.

“And once again all of the parenting responsibilities fall onto my shoulders, Steven.”

Steve felt his own anger begin to rise. “That’s unfair.”

“No, it’s not,” Danny continued. “What’s unfair is that our daughter is going to be devastated because yeah, I will be there and the rest of our ohana will be cheering her on, but the one person she wants there more than anything won’t be.”

“Danny…”

“It’s the truth, Steve. Avery looks up to you. She’s a daddy’s girl through and through, and she wants nothing more than to make you proud. She started swimming because you were the first person to bring her in the water, you introduced her to that, and now she swims because it makes her think of you. Swimming has always been something very special between the two of you. Yes, I go and scream and yell and cheer her on like all the rest of the parents, but you two, water has given you two a connection that I can’t even begin to understand. This is the biggest moment in her life and the person that matters the most to her, her father, won’t be there. I know that Avery’s a Navy girl and that she’s dealt with you being gone, we all have, but she will not understand this. She’s fourteen years old and she shouldn’t have to understand it. She’s allowed to be disappointed and upset.”

“Danny, you are acting as if I can control this. I can’t tell the Navy that I am unable to make my mandatory training because my daughter has a swim meet.”

“A state championship swim meet. I know you could change the weekend if you really needed to.”

“I did that once, for a family emergency when you were in the hospital after being shot. Generally speaking, the Navy is understanding when you say that your husband has been shot and is having surgery to repair the bullet hole in his lung.”

“You will tell her and you will deal with this. I’m fucking pissed and I am not going to sit back and pretend like what you are doing is okay,” Danny yelled. 

“Thanks for the fucking support, Danny,” Steve yelled back, any pretense of a calm and rational conversation had flown out the door minutes ago. “You’re acting like I’m glad I’m missing the meet. I want to be there but my hands are tied.”

“Fuck you, Steven and fuck the Navy.” 

And with that Danny walked out of Steve’s office and directly out of HQ. He didn’t return for the rest of the afternoon and Steve locked himself in his office, barking at both Chin and Kono when they tried to get him to come out.

For as much as they bickered about stupid things, they didn’t fight like this very often. They griped and moaned and bitched a little, but yelling and screaming weren’t really their MO. Steve was usually able to keep his head and stay cool when Danny would get into one of his rants, and after Danny would exhaust himself Steve would bring Danny back to a realistic level and they would talk it out.

But this, this had gone farther than either of them was comfortable with. And Steve knew that Danny always got upset when the Navy called and changed their whole schedule around.

He hated it.

Steve tried his best to understand, but it wasn’t always easy. The Navy was his life, his job, his duty. He had sworn to serve and honor his country and committed to do that for his entire adult life. Yes, things had changed from his original plan, but he had no intention of leaving the Navy anytime soon. He was proud of his work with Five-0 and he was happy to be home with his family most days and that the missions that took him away from his family were few and far between, but no job would ever be as important or as meaningful to him as his job in the Navy.

Steve thought Danny knew that.

Steve left the office early after Chin and Kono bodily dragged him out and told him not to come back until he’d fixed things with Danny because they weren’t prepared to be in the middle of their domestic disturbance. Steve tried to protest, reminding them that Five-0 was not a democracy, but in the end the weight of the fight was keeping him from focusing on anything, so his job performance would suffer until he figured things out with Danny.

When Steve got home Danny and Avery were sitting at the table eating dinner. Avery was making Danny laugh with a story about something that happened at school that day. Avery looked up when he walked in the door and greeted him with a smile.

“I made your favorite, Dad, ahi tuna.”

“Thanks, sweet pea,” Steve said as he sat down in his normal seat, next to Danny. Walking into the house to see Danny laughing had sprung a small ray of hope inside Steve’s chest that maybe things would be okay, but those hopes quickly disappeared as he watched Danny shift slightly farther away from him and spent the rest of the meal talking to Avery but not directly to him.

Steve was about to get up to clear the table when Danny cleared his throat, “Your father has something he needs to tell you, Aves.”

Steve, caught in the motion of standing up, sat back down, a deer caught in the headlights look on his face. Taking a deep breath, collecting himself, he responded, “Yeah, hun, I do. I got a call today from Admiral Marksen saying that I need to report on base for my mandatory training.”

“When’s that going to be,” Avery asked.

“It’s going to be Friday through Monday.”

Steve waited a beat as Avery’s face passed through disbelief, disappointment, sadness, and landed solidly on anger.

“No, I can’t believe you. I can’t believe you are missing my swim meet,” she yelled across the table.

“Avery, I really am sorry. I don’t want to miss your swim meet, but there isn’t anything I can do.”

“I hate the Navy,” she yelled as she got up from the table and ran upstairs. 

Steve’s head fell into his hands; he can’t remember the last time he felt this shitty. Danny didn’t say anything, but the dignified grunt he heard in his direction was enough to indicate Danny’s feelings on the subject hadn’t changed much.

Steve looked up to see Danny standing at the kitchen sink. “I should go talk to her.”

“No, you should leave her alone,” Danny replied, gritting out the last part. “She’s upset, she’s hurt, and the last thing she wants to hear right now is you justifying the Navy’s actions because that’s what you do. I get it, I do, the Navy means a lot to you and we are very proud of the service you’ve given this country, but right after hearing that the Navy is ruining things, the last thing any of us ever want to hear is you defending them. We have all spent many years living with your Navy career and we know how it works, but it would be nice if you could admit how much it sucks that it forces you to miss the important things.”

“I can’t badmouth the Navy like that.”

“In the privacy of our house, when you are telling our daughter that you will be missing the biggest sporting event of her life, you can admit the true level of shitiness this situation has provided.”

“It does suck, but it’s something that we all need to learn to live with.”

“I chose this life, Steven,” Danny yelled across the kitchen, not even bothering to keep his voice down and hide it from Avery, “I knew what you did and what that would mean if I pursued a relationship with you. I loved you too much to let you being in the Navy stand in the way of us. I chose to be a Navy spouse and have to deal with you leaving on training assignments or real missions. But Avery and Grace, they didn’t choose this life. This is the life they got dealt by sheer chance because we happen to be their parents. You need to understand that the girls did not want this and they have no reason to be happy about it. You have let her down and you need to figure out a way to make it better.”

“Danny…” Steve could hear the unspoken ending to that sentence, knew that Danny was so close to breaking down, to admitting what had been in his mind for months, years maybe. Steve knew because every now and then he had the same thoughts. Every time his commission came up and he had to renew he thought about it. He considered what it would mean to retire. Danny never pushed him, never suggested he leave to make things easier. But, Steve knew the desire was there. He knew Danny was using every ounce of willpower he could pack into his small frame to hold himself back from asking Steve to leave the Navy because he knew that if he asked, Steve would leave in a heartbeat.

There wasn’t anything Steve wouldn’t do for his family.

But he was still in the Navy, and he had no intention of leaving soon; he didn’t want to. He loved to serve his country and he knew that was what he was meant to do with his life. He couldn’t turn his back on his duty.

He snapped back to reality as Danny’s voice filled the air, “I am not going to pretend to support this. I’m pissed and so is Avery and I’m not going to pretend that what’s going on here is okay.”

“But, Danny, what am I supposed to do,” he asked because Steve was at a loss. Danny knew that Steve couldn’t disobey orders, knew that Steve didn’t have any control over when he had to leave for missions or training sessions.

“You are supposed to stop defending the Navy in this house. I am pissed and I’m angry, but I’m not blinded enough to not remember that there isn’t anything you can do. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t do everything in your power to make this weekend the best it possibly can be for Avery. I will not help. If you come up with a plan that needs my assistance I will be glad to provide it, but telling her to suck it up and remember that you love her, that’s not going to cut it. She’s a fourteen year old girl, not one of your sailors. I’m going to bed.”

Danny didn’t give him a moment to respond, just finished his monologue, took a deep breath, and walked up the stairs leaving Steve utterly alone and clueless in the kitchen.

*H50*  
Steve woke early the next morning, eyes crusted over from not enough sleep. Danny, though not forcing him to sleep on the couch, thank god, had spent the entire night purposely curled up on the side of the bed farthest away from Steve. Steve hated not being able to feel Danny’s presence beside him, not being able to reach out and grab is hand or throw an arm around his waist.

Knowing that there was no chance he’d ever be able to fall asleep again, he got up, grabbed his swim trunks, and headed out to the ocean. He swam a grueling three miles, pulling harder than he had in a long time, before making it back to the beach. He mulled over the idea of going for a run when he saw Avery come down the stairs with her swimsuit on and her swim bag slung over her shoulder. Deciding that it was time to start fixing the mess that had become his life, he walked inside and greeted her.

“Hey, sweet pea, good morning. Would you like me to make you some breakfast?”

Avery didn’t respond, just walked past him and grabbed a bowl, milk, and the box of Cheerios from the cabinet. She poured and ate her cereal without looking in his direction.

“Avery Lynne, you will not treat me like this. I want to apologize; I want to talk about it. I am your father and you must treat me with the respect I deserve.”

“Sorry, sir,” Avery sneered before pouring her used milk into the sink and walking away.

“Do not speak to me like that, young lady.”

Avery turned around, “Well, it appears as if you care more about being a Naval commander than you do about being a father, so I thought you’d appreciate being addressed as such. I’m going to be late. Ian’s mom is picking me up and she should be here any minute.”

She walked out the door, slamming it behind her. Danny walked down the stairs a few minutes later to find Steve standing unmoving in the kitchen.

“I would say ‘I told you so’, but I’m a grown man and will not stoop to such childish levels,” Danny said as he walked into the kitchen.

“She won’t even speak to me, or should I say, won’t speak to me unless it comes out in a sarcastic sneer.”

“Again, I will not be childish and say ‘I told you so’.”

“Danno, shut up.”

Danny slammed the coffee pot he had been pouring coffee into his mug from back into the machine. “Just stop, Steve. Stop treating us as if our reactions are inappropriate.”

“They are inappropriate,” Steve yelled. “I need your support.”

“Avery needs our support,” Danny yelled back, coffee spilling over the edge of his mug as his hands moved through the air, the scalding liquid hitting his skin and causing him to swear.

“I tried and she wouldn’t even listen.”

“Try harder. Don’t you fucking dare give up. If you won’t give up on your goddamn commitment to the Navy, a commitment that has been long since held up, then don’t you dare give up on our daughter. Be the adult, Steven. She’s still just a teenager and will probably do things that are immature. You, on the other hand, do not have any right to act like a petulant child. Grow the fuck up and be a parent.”

“I tried but she…”

“Stop blaming everyone else but yourself. It’s the fucking Navy’s fault that everything about this weekend is messed up, so just get over that, own it, and move forward. When you stop pretending everything is okay then maybe Avery will begin to forgive you.”

“Danno…”

“Don’t you dare use that name right now, Steve. I can’t even look at you.”

Steve didn’t know what to say so he just walked upstairs to the shower, not looking back in Danny’s direction.

*H50*  
The rest of the week passed by in a similar fashion; Avery said no more than ten words to Steve in a day and Danny spent most of his time alternating between glares and rants. Steve hadn’t slept in days, and Danny had spent every night in Avery’s room, holding her while she cried herself to sleep.

Steve was at a loss as to what to do. He just couldn’t begin to understand why this training had spurred on such a violent reaction. Yes, he was missing a hugely important event and he expected Avery to be upset, but spending her nights crying and not speaking with him, that wasn’t her normal reaction to this news, not even when the news has been he has to leave on a mission.

But now it was Friday and he had to report in an hour. Pulling out his duffel and throwing in the stuff he will need for his few days on base, he changed into his fatigues in the dead silence of the bedroom. Danny refused to come in and help him like he normally did and Avery, who would usually spend the whole time he packed chattering along about everything she was doing during the weekend and how she would take lots of pictures to show him, was shut up in her room.

He missed the noise; it was always a good distraction from his thoughts.

But his family was punishing him, outstandingly he might add.

He was about to leave his room when he heard the door creak open and see Avery poke her head around.

“Hey, Aves, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to say ‘I love you’ and be safe.”

“I love you too, sweet pea. I just wish I didn’t have to miss your meet this weekend or upset you so much. It’s been killing me.”

“You really don’t see it, do you?”

“See what?”

“You always go to training on the third weekend of every month. When you get called in for a training session on a different weekend, like now, it always means that you’re going to be leaving on a mission.”

Realization hit Steve, hard. He hadn’t ever put those two things together, but he doubted that Avery was wrong. The Navy worked like clockwork so if she had identified that pattern, it was probably there.

At least now he knew why his family had reacted so poorly, Danny especially.

No one liked the prospect of him having to leave. Steve didn’t like it either, but he knew he had a much different perspective on it.

He pulled Avery into a hug. “I love you, sweet pea. I’m sorry I never realized that before. It must make this weekend that much more difficult.”

“I’m a Navy girl, Dad. I know what it’s like, but sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes I just wish you were a normal Dad.”

“And what would you do with normal?”

Avery laughed and held on to Steve a little tighter, “Well I would still have Danno for entertainment.”

Steve laughed too, closing his eyes as he breathed in her familiar strawberry scent. “I will be back in a few days and I expect video and a play by play recap of the entire meet.”

“Aye, aye, Commander,” Avery mock saluted as she left the room with one last hug and Steve was forced to make the walk downstairs to Danny alone.

Danny was sitting on the couch and even though he looked up when Steve approached, he didn’t make any move to stand up or appear as if he was going to come close to Steve. Dropping his duffel by the door, Steve sat down on the couch next to Danny.

“I never realized that an off-time training session usually meant I would be called on a mission.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“Danno…”

“I love you, Steve, and I want you to stay safe and come home. I hate seeing you walk out that door. I know that our relationship can withstand anything, but sometimes I just get tired.”

“I know.”

“I will always love you, though.”

“Forever and always, Danno.” Steve pulled him into a hug and gave him a soft kiss before getting up and walking towards the door.

Steve already had the door open when he heard it. It was quiet, mumbled, but it was still as clear as day to him.

“I wish you’d retire.”

Danny had said it, said the one thing that had been on his mind for years but had never said directly to Steve. Yes, Steve’s back was turned and it was so quiet Steve’s not quite sure if he was meant to hear it. 

He didn’t know what to do, and in one last selfish move, he walked out the door, pretending he hadn’t heard the words he had been dreading.


End file.
